back here with mre complaints. oops. but just bear with me since this is the only platform i can turn to. LOL. so... is it human nature or just me feeling guilty for being greedy? is so weird. the cycle of me wanting A then B then C and so on.... but i cant help it. i mean everyone would want for the best right? i knw in the corner of my heart im satisified with what im having now but then the thoughts of getting smth better makes me feel greedy :( but i doubt lady luck would be by my side, she seldoms appear in my life, maybe once in a blue moon.... but if.... if i could get C that would be the best thing that could ever occur in my life... i should be contented but im still hoping that i would still be able to achieve B and i swear im happy enough. promised. so pls.... lady luck or any divine... pls stand by me and make B a possible. i would be grateful for that(: for the past few years i felt i been living in a glass bottle. im able to see things so clearly like the path i should take, the future i should be aiming for... but i was trapped. not able to move out of the glass bottle. the feeling is indescrible. and the agony .________. is like i knw what i want (or at least what i should be looking for) but im not able to realise it. ppl may think im just another which is not giving in as much effort or a girl with words and no actions.... but seriously. im here trying my best with what i could. it felt as though smth is pulling me back. like shackles on my ankles and im not able to go far with it. the shackles are there beacuse i put it on unknowingly. and i lost the key to unlock the shackles. is miserable. ppl dont see the shackles but i was in pain with every step i moved. i tired to run but the shackles pulled me even tighter and the pain along too. i knw im the one to blame for putting on the shackles myself but it was as though im cursed, i couldnt resist no matter what. and i felt the running competition was unfair. everyone was running at their full speed while im still struggling with the shackles. i honestly felt contented with what i achieved because i did pushed my self to the max but i knew it was nth compared to others. the harsh reality lies there. i know that the shackles are still on my ankles now but i swear i would overcome this shit so long i was given the chance to run again. is my fault for not being strong then but i wont let history repeats again. never. hope my efforts can be seen and recognised. the chance of me reborn. im looking forward. praying that day will come eventually...pls... i used to lack the courage of standing up but im sicked and tired of it i would prove to those that stepped across me while im at the bottom, that i would stand up tall and strong soon. #i will and i must.