sch is going to reopen soon... oh no... hectic life starting again. sian. but nope... im not going to blog about my boring mundane sch life... just sme random thoughts. hahah. I thought of this, "smiling or crying, which is harder/braver?" and my answer is smiling. crying is not a sign of weakness. crying is just a way to express the sad emotions, to relieve the stress/unhappiness build within oneself. smiling on the other hand is harder than crying because one is telling another that he is okay.. he is doing good but who knws about the real emotions within? the heart maybe hurt/crying but he still has to put up a smile when facing others. how difficult it must be for him... smiling sounds like easy task. but ask again, how many people in the world are genuinely smiling brightly? smile is braver than cry because one cannot even express his sadness out. to see if the person is smiling or crying, I think the best way would be to look into his eyes. I think eyes is the only thing that wouldn't lie. no matter how hard is someone trying to hide. the eyes would not able to tell lies. when one is happy, the eyes would smile. when one is sad, the eyes would cry. when one is scared, the eyes would be in terror. hoping that I could meet the someone who could looks into my eyes and understand how do I really felt. I realised I don't like to tell others exactly how Im feeling. is hard for me to say im not okay or break down in front of others. it would be easier if someone looks into my eyes and give me a light pat on my back and assures me "everything will be fine... is okay... im always here by your side..." another random thought. time. time is perhaps the only thing that is fair in the world. like it or not, rich or poor, everyone is treated equal. time is the most reliable way to see the true colour/nature of one. no matter how hard a person tries to act, time would tells the truth. and this is why I only believe in time. I cant tell for sure who is the right/good/reliable/sincere person but I know time would tells me who is it, that will stay by my side, through the ups and downs, who is true towards me, who is sincere, who keeps a promise that he made. time can also be a remedy. time can wash away the pain/hurt/unhappy memories/hate... time can heal the wound. but the only thing about time is that time can never remove the scars. once hurt, wounds can be healed, people can forgive but like the scars, people cannot forget. everything can be buried deep down but one would still remember about the past. to make oneself feels better, one should learn how to touch the scars and smile at how foolish/brave one used to be. that's only when u can really let go of the bitterness and move on. life is a lesson for one to learn and realise, to face and overcome...

yay... its 2014! a brand new year!!! bye to 2013~~~ ok.... so frm NOW is really a fresh start... hah. as the new year approach, I guess is time to recall what have I been doing for last yr... is only when i look back then i would realise what i had missed out and what should be corrected. well... generally 2013 is better than 2012, I guess is mainly because there's no more daunting exams like the big alevels. eewww.... *shiver* though I have to admit that I spent most of the time rotting and wasting my life away but it is a good break for me... to calm down and regain back confidence/courage. Is good to have that plenty of time thinking about LIFE. life.... I didn't knw before that I could be so carefree... despite the carefreeness, im still worried that this happiness would not last long and I would be hit back with reality again. though there were some achievements unlocked, I always believe is because of lady luck by my side and im grateful for that. really grateful. when sch started, I was still panicking of how a uni life would looks like... everyone is there to study, all mature, all drive to graduate. I have to admit is abit intimidating to enter a uni life for me... because I literally knows no one there in my course... and theres no one I could turn to if I need any help. but thankfully, I met some good friends and my uni life is getting better with stronger friendship forged. times could be hard in uni, when the deadlines for assignment/projects are nearing, tests/exams... all these are the stresses I faced for the past sem, I knw theres no way out of these and I knw I chose this path, so all I could do is to give my best. the sch is really competitive.... but I just tried my best to survive, with the support frm family/friends and myself. finally... a sem, which seems mre like a month, had past... my hardwork had been paid off and I survived through. sometimes I seriously wonder how could I have been through and overcome all these odds. and I believe is none other than miracles. luck. been always waiting for my miracles and im afraid at times what if my miracles have all been used up? so.... I managed to build some self confidence in myself. I realised, everything depends on one's mindset/attitudes/believes. if one believes he can and preserve on, he really can. I hope I don't rely on my lucks anymore. but ability. one never knows what he is capable of unless he gave the best shot, right? luck doesn't exist in fact. and I knw why the door within me wouldn't open. is because the door is waiting to be opened from the outside, by the correct person. it cannt open by itself. I wouldn't want to open the door again. I will wait patiently for the right person... (is always when u thought is the right one and then proves that is not..hmm...)but still... I would be a strong gal and smile brightly despite of whatever setbacks and challenges. my new year wishes: 1) all my loved ones to stay healthy and happy 2) smooth and successful journey in my life 3) more meaningful friendships forged 4)hopefully a right person to open the door 5)create more happy memories 6) be myself 7)be strong 8)be happy 9)forgive and forgot 10)live.love.laugh random thoughts: im human too.. I have emotions. though I don't show doesn't means I don't feel anything. im hurt. frozen door.